List of Loves

It took me 4 days to get this post up with all my interruptions! Here it is, finally, and it's lengthy, so enjoy. There's a lot of  lovin' in this post...proceed if you desire.

There are so many things in life that I love, I couldn't even begin to jot down the list to include them all. I remember my dad telling me that it's amazing to him how one person can leave behind the single life they have always known for one person that you hardly know. Love is blind until you get to know and understand it. When I was engaged to be married, my dad and I had this discussion and,  ya know, I didn't reckon with his ideals on the subject then. Looking back now, he's totally right. Love is completely blind. At the ripe age of 20 (I know, so old!) when I was engaged to be married, I just knew that's what I wanted, I LOVED my spouse-to-be; we were going to be together for eternity, I was going to be princess for the day in my beautiful, white wedding gown that I had envisioned and dreamed of for years. The stars would align on this distinguished day, the world would celebrate, and my life would be sublime. And a great day it was but seriously, who was I kidding!? Stars align? A sublime life? Oh, ignorance is bliss!


Photography 8 1/2 years ago isn't what it is today. This is my favorite of the wedding day photographs.



After a while, I realized JUST what my dad meant. I left the comfort of always having my Mama and Daddy to console my spirit and tell me it was going to be okay. I could pass my concerns to them and let them bear my burdens. Nope, not anymore. I had made the decision to leave the umbrella of protection that kept me sheltered from the storms of life all those years. I made the decision to put on my big girl pants and face the world with the one, single man I chose out of the millions. One very tense year turned into three tolerable years and now 8 1/2 years into it, we have cultivated a distinguished love that I cherish. I take delight in being married to my best friend and I'm still learning to love and accept him for just as he is. There are days I have to step up my game, and drag up those big girl britches a little more, but ultimately it's learning what love is and finding THAT love in my every day life that I have chosen for myself.

And I do.

I love cuddling in my spouse's arms and feeling secure; holding his hand as we walk down the street of our neighborhood as Keilana and Kayden race ahead of us on their bikes all the while we continuously shout for them to wait up. Watching him wrestle with the older two and then suddenly stopping to include the baby because he is kicking and cooing warms my soul like a soothing cup of hot cocoa on a wintry day. He still makes my heart skip a beat when he walks through the door after work in his office attire. I melt when he spontaneously grabs my hand and pulls me in for a kiss as the children declare their disgust in our apparent unforgivable crime.

Barefoot in Bluegrass Photography

As Buzz in Home Alone would say, Okay enough of this gooey sh... Show of emotion because it's no walk in the park for certain. Some days I want to crawl in a hold and hibernate...sleep until my body refuses to lie still for a single minute more. Life IS a box of chocolates, you never known what you are going to get from one day to the next, and often times, from one minute to the next! Nevertheless, there is no doubt I am where I need to be and I embrace that more every day.

Barefoot in Bluegrass Photography.

A person can't comprehend the love of a child until it's experienced for themself. You hear about it and you witness it but you can't understand it until you are there--in that moment. This falls as number one on my loves list. I do love my children even before they were born, it starts early in the womb. It's a miraculous thing it is, to be a Mother. Learning about my children and who they are as well as what they are becoming. It bewilders me how a woman could not take the child they carry for 10 months, in their arms and automatically feel a powerful surge of endearment for the tiniest bundle they bear and hold. How could they not suddenly feel an immediate urge to protect that little one with everything in them?


Photograph by my sweet friend, Melanie at Barefoot in Bluegrass Photography. One of my favorites!

There is a confession I feel I need to make here--I have a split personality. She's called Mama bear.Without a moments notice, Mama Bear is released from within if there is a threat sensed. You bet she will come running with the sight of a tear, or retaliate with a single hint of anguish; so, to the world, be wary. This unconditional loves runs through me like a mighty river and all its power grows more and more every day. We conquer trials together, we enjoy together, we learn and teach together, we celebrate together.

Admssion: life is no bed of roses my dear friends.

Asking myself in what direction I am taking motherhood kind of keeps me on track; 'cause, I ain't gonna lie, this girl is sometimes the one that upsets my babys' apple carts. I'm not ashamed to admit I lack perfection. I have flaws and internal conflicts that unfortunately my children are not spared from. But, ya know what? That's okay. I pick myself up and bandage the internal boo boos.

These humbled words can be heard behind the doors of my littles: I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. Mama isn't perfect, I'm trying really hard but sometimes I goof it up. I wasn't the best mom I can be today but I can promise that I'll try to do better tomorrow.

And I always keep that promise.

It's okay for them to see that their Mama messes up but they KNOW that when I do, humility follows with an apology. God tells us that we should turn the other cheek and I am blessed with children who are willing to do this for their Mama time and time again. At the end of my request for forgiveness, I will hear my little ones say, that's okay Mommy, or an, I love you. Sometimes a simple nod, always followed by a hug and a kiss, takes the place of spoken words that lets me know I am forgiven. What a relief to know that my children will pardon the offense, and accept me as I am--imperfections and all. I know that an embrace can mend any wound, physically or emotionally, and once all is forgotten, I find that I can add one more thing to the list of loves.

This was one of those days that I added to the list of loves.

It was a pool day with the kids and Karter's second time at the pool. The first time didn't go so well so I'd like to think his second time was his first. With that in consideration, and him in good spirits appearing to enjoy himself, I couldn't help but documenting it from every angle.

Another love on the list? Cloudy days and photography! I'm SO lovin' the taking-pictures-and-editing thing. Other than being with my family, taking pictures of my family is the next best thing to it! I'm very proud that I am able to capture my children just as they are with images I am pleased to display (when I get around to printing and hanging them!). Photographs that I can document their growth and changes so when they are sassy, know-it-all teenagers, I can remember their sweet little fingers and toes, innocent expressions, squishy bums, and oh, the amazement and baby wonder!

There is a sweet spot in a Mother's heart, when she sees her children caring for one another. Keilana's instinct to provide for her younger brother is strong, and it clicked from day one. There is a special bond those two have together and the words to explain it aren't quite there.

She frequently expresses how much she misses him being teeny tiny, but she's also reaping the joys of watching him learn new things and quite excitely encourages him, clapping her hands and exclaiming, good boy Karter! She enjoys having a good laugh with him and will do anything silly that she can to get a reaction out of him. I had assumed she would be good with him, it's in her nature. It's part of her spirit. She also has the inate sense to protect like her Mama. However, I never expected something so magical to happen between the two. He has responded to her since the begining and if I'm not immediately available he does well with her. Occasionally I'll sneak around a corner to find her covering him up and singing him a lullaby because he was fussy. I've seen her feed him bites of her food because he was screaming for her to share. She takes him potty, pats his back, and plays with him. I love that she loves him.

When it comes to my big boy, I know he will be there for his baby brother. At four years old, he is busy learning the how to's, and what if's of boyhood. I tell ya what, though, that boy is gonna make sure to show Karter the ropes when he's "growed up". As Kayden is learning the how to's on wrestling, digging, and flying kites, he's also soaking in every bit of information on cars, motorcycles action heroes, and the "what if's".
Mommy, what if I race my cars really fast and they go under the stove?
Well, I guess that's where they will stay until Daddy gets home to move the stove so we can get them out.
(And there they remain, days later because Jon was out of town.)

Mommy, what if I dig really deep, and I find a huge "wom" in the ground?!
Well, that would be kind of scary, huh? But you could put him in your bug container for a little while until he gets hungry.

What if I give him a bath? That'd be hillarious!
That probably isn't a good idea, son, he'll drown. Worms don't need baths, they like to be dirty, that's why they live in the ground.

Mommy, what if I climb to this stair and jump? Won't that be so cool?
Whoa! That's a big jump buddy, be careful!
(Watching as he climbs stair after stair, till he is on fifth one up!)

Luckily, in his exploration of "how-to's" and "what if's" we have had no broken bones, or major boo-boos to patch. Just your basic bumps, bruises, and scrapes. I LOVE watching him learn cause and effect as he uses his vivid imagination to come up with his next 4-year-old Mt. Everest to master.

There is going to be a time he'll be able to pass that knowledge down. He's gonna make sure to teach his little brother to throw, run, jump, drop, and roll around. He'll be the first to pass him a shovel, instructing him where the best places to dig for worms are, and together, those two will learn where all the wild things are. He cares for his brother very much, but being all boy, there are still some rough patches we need to smooth out while he is around the baby. I will say, however, that Kayden is very determined to carry him around the house because he insists he can due to his "strong boy" muscles. At four-years-old, I know my big boy has better things to learn to do right now because he's preparing for the time those two will give me a run for my money.

As far as getting a picture with Karter that day, or any picture at all? He didn't have time.

I haven't swimmed very much and I take pictures all the day long.

There were jumps to master!